Just before spring break, we were talking about what students would be doing with their time off. One student asked about my plans. Thinking how wonderful naps sounded, I replied, "You know, the great thing about getting old is how exciting your bed becomes." It took ten minutes to get the class settled.

To break the ice the first night in my Computer Applications class, we had a "pun" session. But the students didn't want to I told them to quit so we could get to work or I'll would have the "pun"ish them!

I teach first grade and during a unit on Civil Rights I was explaining how Cesar Chavez led a boycott. One of my kids asked if that meant that Rosa Parks led a "girlcott."

My class of 5th grade students arrived back in the classroom ten minutes early after a morning out of class period. I had been using this time to prepare for the afternoon and was not quite finished. As the students settled in at their desks I decided to give them these ten minutes as free time while I completed my plans. Standing in front of the classroom, I informed the students that they had returned early and could buzz amongst themselves for ten minutes. In unison, my entire class of 5th graders began making a buzzing sound.

I just told my students: "now remember what my rules are" In unison they said, "don't annoy you!"

I was teaching my students about the solar system. When I asked my students "what is the milky way?" One of my students raise her hand and said "isn't it a candy bar?"

Yesterday, one of my second grade males students was drawing a picture of his mother with a mustache. His neighbor told him quite loudly that "moms don't have hair under their lip." Another little boy at the opposite end of the class yelled: "Mine does but she rips it out!" I was smiling and trying to explain that depending on their hair color, women could have a few little hairs on their lip when a little girl interrupted me and said: "My dad says that my mom's legs are like poodles so she rips them out too!"

I once had a class of 9 years olds, to whom I was trying to explain the basics of portraiture. I started by explaining how a head was more egg shaped and not round....when one bright spark put their hand up, pointed at this short extremely plump little boy, and said "But, Miss. Sweeney his is!"

Last year at a public school where I was teaching, a kindergarten teacher told me that a child in her class asked if she could bring in her father for show and tell. The teacher said certainly she could and did not think a think about it. The next morning bright and early, the child showed up at school with her mother and a big cart with a large urn on it. The teacher asked the child what it was and the child replied that it was her father and she had said the previous day that it would be OK to bring him for show and tell. The mother then explained that it was the father's ashes because he had passed away a few years previously. The teacher and the administration at the school were floored and could not figure out the proper way to respond.

3rd grader to teacher: "How do you make Lady Gaga cry?"..."Poke her face"
I asked my students what they like to wear on chilly days? One student's response was 'wear my snuggie.'

I really want to teach logic to my high school students. I have yet to find a book that breaks it down enough for them.

Today I realize how great of a teacher I am as one of my students pointed to California on a map and said, 'Look, it's Long Island!'

My students are telling me buttocks is a compound word...

I had a preschooler once that called it a commode control (remote control)

It's finals week. My students are about to flood the office. Punch me in the face.

“Q. How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb? A. I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.”

“Students outside my office arguing loudly about who is a better parent: Jon or Kate. The future is not looking so good.”

“Farmville players outnumbered real farmers in the US by a ratio of 60 to 1. - What I learned from my students' final projects.”

Am I wrong for thinking one of my students looks like Mr. Peanut with down syndrome?