I once had a high school class that was populated by 13 boys and 2 girls. Needless to say, conversations were frequently inappropriate. One day while prepping my students for the lab to be performed that day I said that any "sexual innuendo" would result in a swift trip to the office. A male student proceeded to turn to his friend and ask, "Why can't we have sex in the window?". I had to bite my lip and struggle to keep a straight face for the rest of the period :-)
Okay, so I teach computers... I never really minded the headphones as long as they kept one out, and it was so low that I could not hear it even standing right beside them. Makes it rather pointless, right? It was a battle at first... I said to a student, "By the time you are 30, you will be deaf. I am going to say, I told you so!" He quickly replied... "If I am deaf, how am I going to hear you tell me that?" Har. Har. Har.
Student: (after seeing a picture of me and my husband in London) "Ms, you went to London?" Me: "Yes, I lived in England for 7 months." Student: "So...you can speak the language?" Me: (long, very long, pause) "You realize they speak English, right?!" Student: (thinks about it) "Yea, so you could communicate with them?"
One of my students tattled on his buddy "making natural gas" during the lab we were doing. Since we are studying Sustainability, I asked him if it was renewable or non-renewable. He chuckled and said it was "renewable because there's more where that came from." At least he's absorbing the content!
My ninth graders had been reading Romeo and Juliet, and I wanted to review the literary elements as they applied to the play, to review for the final exam. I had covered exposition, rising action, conflict, and had just explained how the climax of a tragedy typically occurs near the end of the work, when a girl raised her hand. "Did Romeo and Juliet have climaxes when they faked their deaths?" she asked. I still don't know how I kept a straight face...
When asked my students how to end the Cold War a student raised his hand and very proudly said "You put on a jacket"
The first assignment in my senior Economics class was to bring in an article that deals with economics. One student brought in an article dealing with the Middle East peace process. After class, I called her over and asked her what this had to do with economics. She looked at me and said "Mr Resnick all it talks about is the West Bank. A bank is economics"
As a first year Spanish teacher reviewing for a chapter test, there was a question about how to get to Puerto Rico: plane, train, or boat. One of my 9th graders was adamant about how she could get there from Virginia by train and wouldn't believe me until I made her pull out a map and look at where PR was and that an underwater train wouldn't work no matter what.
My Spanish II students were presenting an oral group skit about going to a restaurant. One group got up (with the shyest boy in class) and during the skit he stated "I went to the ice cream parlor and I had a man" instead of "I went to the ice cream parlor and I was hungry" - all because of one letter difference in one word. The poor kid turned beet red when everyone burst out laughing and he realized his mistake immediately.
Today in class we were reading a document on the Good Samaritan Laws and Legal Definitions. They were in groups of three utilizing the “Say Something” reading strategy. One of the girls in my college prep section was confused when her group got to the part about immunity and its exceptions; she wanted clarification on the definition of wonton. Knowing exactly where she was and what the problem was, and not wanting to let an opportunity like this slip away, I told her it was a tasty treat she could order at Big King Buffet – a nearby Chinese restaurant. However, if she wanted to know what wanton meant (which was the word in the document – she was mispronouncing it), that she should look at the synonym two words after it, which was reckless, and she would know what it meant. As soon as I pronounced “won-tn” after “won ton” she knew exactly what error she had made and became quite red in the face. The whole class got a good chuckle out it.
I was handing back tests the other day and a student who is a live wire asked me. "Mrs. Jones, you know..If you were on paper, you'd be fine print." I'm old enough to be his grandmother,but that was a new one to me at ANY age.
I teach aerobics at the high school level, here are a few excuses I get for a student not to workout. "Coach, I can't workout today. I was head banging last night to some music and I hurt my neck." Another student came up to me for his friend and said, "Miss, he is going to pass out he hasn't eaten in over a week." I went over to him and asked, "Why haven't you eaten in a week?" He first stuck out his tounge to show me his new tounge ring, and then he said, "They told me not eat for a week."
In a discussion about genetics and traits, I asked students for examples of traits that they inherited from their parents. After the typical "eyes" and "hair" my class was stumped. I mentioned the "cupid's bow" of the mouth. Several students asked what I was talking about, so I drew an example on the white board at the front of the room. As I was doing so, I overheard one student whisper to the student next to her, "Finally! I've actually learned something new in school!"
I was teaching a lesson in Social Studies where one of my vocabulary words for the day was "annul." Not thinking anything about it, a student asked, "is that anal?" My response was to laugh and then reply to the student, "that is not something we will be covering in History. What is really funny about this story, is that this happened again the following year. Once was funny, twice, I absolutely lost it...but still had the same response.
Several years ago, my senior English class was in the library looking for research paper topics. Each student was to write down a topic and bring it to me for approval. One of the first young men to bring his topic to me had written, "Pubic Wars."
Just assigned a project that has my students in tears and willing to slash my tires. My job here is done.
One of my students was reading 'Eclipse' today and just kept saying Edward, accompanied by a squeal, randomly throughout class.
While reading about Maya Angelou's past, I tried to explain what a Madam is - one of my students says, ‘She was a PIMP?
One of my students responded: isn't there a facebook quiz for this?
One of my students just look at me, laughed, shook their head and then sighed. SORRY ABOUT THE TEST!