Elementary School

I passed out candy conversation hearts to each kid that got the "bell ringer" question correct. One little girl was trying to read hers, when the boy next to her leaned over and looked at it. His eyes were as big as saucers and he clamped his hands over his mouth. I asked him what was wrong....he said,"Hers has diarreah on it!". I take a look....hers says "Dare Ya.". At leat they have phonics down!

The day before picture day, one of my students cut a chunk of her bangs to be about an inch long all by herself. For picture day, she wore a headband with them pulled back off her forehead. The next day, she had a few more cut to blend in and they were kind of swept to the side (before, they had been straight across). I told her I liked her new bangs, and that was how I wore my bangs too, swept to the side. She looked at me seriously and said "So what did you do?"

okay, so we had a fire drill. We all lined up. Except for a new student. He said"where is everyone going I thought we had you next." He thought it was the class change bell. I put him and the middle of the line and myself at the back just in case I needed to laugh. I almost couldn't keep a straight face all day!! :)

It was the end of another school day and as I was signing out, I saw one of my students talking to a lady that lived very close to me! When they finished having their conversation, I asked her whether they were related to which she replied that the lady was her grandmother. I then asked her, Is she your dads mum? she said no, Is she your Mums mum? she said No! I was confused so i asked how is she related to you? She is my mums sister!

A young boy in Kindergarten told the teacher that he wanted to be a carpenter when he grew up. The teacher asked him what a carpenter does and he replied, "Well they come into your house and take out your old carpents and then they put in the new carpent that you bought." Yep they had just got new carpets at their house!

When introducing an English Language Learner kindergarten class to the media specialist, she said that they may know her as a "librarian" as well. One of our students stood up and said,"You LIBERIAN? I LIBERIAN!"

I was giving an expressive vocabulary test to an adorable boy in kindergarten. He was doing quite well and was making it into words that were advanced for his age. I showed him the picture for "pyramids" and he said, "*gasp* Those are ZOMBIE houses!!!" I so wanted to give him credit for that!

Running into one of my students at WhiteWater while I'm wearing a bikini...Yeah, that was awkward. His dad asking, "Where were you when I was a kid?" Yeah, that was even more awkward. Them trying to set me up with their older son the entire time I was waiting in line behind them and trying to hide behind a raft...That was the icing on the awkward cake.

In the early days of my career, my husband and I taught at the same inner-city school. One little girl asked me why me and Mr. C had the same last name. "Is he your brother?" she asked. "No", I told her, "He's my husband." This concept seemed new to her, and she looked puzzled for a minute. Then her face lit up with understanding and she said it "Oh, I get it, you guys do the 'humpity hump!'"

My kindergarten class had finished studying the Pledge of Allegiance, but I still wasn't sure if they understood what it meant. Shortly after, a little boy decided that girls should not be allowed to play with blocks or trucks. I decided to have a class discussion on this issue. After this boy stated his reasons for excluding girls from blocks and trucks, another boy stood up and said "But if we do that, that it wouldn't be Liberty and Justice for All!" Everyone (except the first boy) clapped.
One kindergarten boy complained that another boy had called him a "maniac". The other boy admitted that he had said it. I asked him if he knew what it meant. He said "Sure I do, a maniac is a man who fixes cars!"

One of my second graders asked me, in all seriousness, "Mrs. C, how do you spell 'CD'?"

Twin brothers were playing a flashcard game with my aide. One turned over two cards and said "Darn! They don't match!" His brother elbowed him in the ribs and said "You're supposed to say f*#k!" Of course, when I called their mom, she said she had no idea where he learned that word, since they never talk that way at home.

J. was in the habit of saying "Damn!" whenever he was frustrated. I asked him if he could please say "Darn!" instead. He shook his head and said "No, I can't, because that is a BAD word!"

One of my first grade girls was sobbing on the playground. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was crying because her grandpa died. I was overcome with sympathy for the poor child, so I took her inside, wiped her face and got her a drink. I hugged her and gently asked when her grandpa passed away. She replied "Before I was born."

Our school had an awesome custodian who was known for being able to fix anything. One morning, my first grade class discovered that our guinea pig had died. I told them that I was going to call Mr. Murphy to "take care of it." One little girl's eyes got wide as she exclaimed "I didn't know he could fix animals too!"

One morning, I stopped in the office to pick up my paycheck, then I went out to the playground to meet my kindergarten class. One of the first kids in line asked what was in the envelope. I said it was my paycheck, and proceded to lead the line to the classroom. When we arrived, one girl was crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said "I didn't know you got paid to be with us. I thought you LIKED us."

During journal writing, a second grade girl approached the teacher and asked "How do you spell 'penis'?" The teacher was shocked and asked the girl what she was writing about. The girl said "I am trying to write 'happiness'. I got 'hap', but I don't know how to spell 'penis'!"

Our buses were color-coded to help children find the right bus. One kindergartner looked lost, so I asked her what color her bus was. She said "It's the green bus." Then she leaned over and whispered "They call it the green bus, but it's really YELLOW."

I was working with one of my ELL students on his writing. He was supposed to be writing a creative story about the future. As I'm working with him, he looks over at me and asks, "Mrs. Dalum, when you were younger, did you have electricity?" I'm only 25! I laughed so much. He must have thought all of his teachers were ancient!