Classroom Chuckles

This morning a kindergartner was telling me about the Screech Owl that was brought to school yesterday. Apparently this owl was struck by a car at night. His question to me: "I thought owls could see at night?" Me: "Is that what your teacher shared?" Him: "Yes". Me: "Well maybe they can sweetie, I don't know much about them. Why do you ask?" Him: "Because if he could see at night, why didn't he see the car before it hit him?"

I had a SmartBoard lesson already prepared to teach the direct object case in German (accusative case). During the previous activity the students were up out of their seats. Upon returning to their seats, one boy who had left his wallet ON TOP OF his backpack, was missing $19 (surprise, surprise!). While waiting for the administrator to show up, I started my lesson. First three sentences on the SmartBoard - use accuse in a sentence. Our sentence - Joseph accuses the unknown student of theft. second sentence in lesson - how many involved, answer two. Third sentence who is accusing and who is being accused? = Joseph, unknown thief. I couldn't have planned this set-up!

I teach pre-K. One of my students just came up to me smiling today and said "I was just looking at your boobs" (he's 4 years old) Then later in the day He helped me put out snack and couldn't keep his hands off my bottom. I said "Stop That" and he said, "I like it."

Yesterday we were learning about our country. At the start of the lesson I showed the class a picture of the American Flag and asked, "What flag is this?" One of my students said "That's our country's flag." Then I said, "And what is the name of our country?" The student replied, "This of thee!"

Today I gave my students the beginnings of common sayings and asked them to finish the thought. Here are some of the things they wrote: -People who live in glass houses shouldn't... undress -If you lie down with the dogs... you'll stink in the morning -When the cat's away... no poo! -A penny saved is...not much. -Opportunity only knocks when... she can't reach the doorbell.

Word got around that one of my students would be out because he had the chicken pox. One student raised his hand and said he had to go to the nurse. When I asked why he said "Because I have goose bumps!"

My class had a spelling bee today and this was one of the highlights: Your word is Mississippi. Student: "The river or the state?"

Today I asked my class what they expected from life. One student said, "You color for a while, then you die."

One of my students asked me if he can do Eminem for his Black History project...

Journal topic today was: favorite cartoon at age 5. A student asked me what my favorite cartoon was when I was a kid. My reply: We didn't have TV at our house. He then said: Well, they did have radios back then didn't they??? (I'm 30!)
I had a 4th grader turn in a math test with the following answer: Q: Explain how you got your answer (to the problem above). A: "I work my head off."

I was serving as an In School Suspension teacher. One of my first graders had finished all his work. He wanted something else to do so I asked if he wanted to write lines. We have a paragraph students write when they get in trouble so I handed him the paragraph and a paper. He wrote for fifteen minutes and when I walked over I found out why he was done so fast. He had written up and down lines all over the paper. Talk about a cute miscommunication.

When I taught kindergarten I had a little autistic boy in my class. He came in one afternoon insisting that a ghost was following him around. Knowing that I could not convince him otherwise, I said, "We only allow friendly ghosts in kindergarten." One of the other students promptly said, "Maybe it's the Holy Ghost!"

My 1st grade boys got their soccer ball taken away for fighting over. When we came in from recess on the 1st day without the ball, two of the boys were fighting and tattling on one another. I asked, "What is wrong" they said they were fighting over the ball, I asked "What ball? You did not have a ball outside." They said the make believe ball.

I had a three year old ask me if I knew where hamburger came from, I said sure it comes from cows, he said oh no your wrong, hamburger comes from Burger King. Nearly peed my pants keeping back the laughter.

1st grader: "I’m allergic to penguins!" Me: "How do you know that?" First grader: "One time, I saw a penguin, then I threw up!"

I am a reading consultant in an elementary school. In the beginning of the year, we assess the kindergarten students on letter recognition and letter sound knowledge. One of our K teachers asked her student, "Do you know what this letter says?" He looked at her for a second before slowly lowering his ear to the paper. After a few seconds he said, "I don't hear anything!" Priceless...

A Little boy, in my pre-school class, had his sock all unraveled. The strings was up his legs, around his arms, and piece of it in his hand. I said. "what happened?" and he said " I don't know Ms. Tina...I think It's just F---ed up!" He was right.

I teach a fifth grade class and during some free time we played brain quest. The question I asked, "Who delivered the Gettysburg Address?" The answer from one of my students, "UPS."